


Love is Like a Bomb

by greenevans



Category: Arrow - Fandom, Coyote Ugly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1359844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenevans/pseuds/greenevans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arrow meets Coyote Ugly. Felicity needs to make some money to rebuild her computer system when it's stolen. Thea Queen, manager of Verdant, just happens to need a new bartender.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Oh no, oh no, oh no, this is terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

That was Felicity’s thought process as she pushed open the front door to her apartment. It swung open on the hinges, splintered remains of the door jamb littering her floor. She stepped in cautiously, listening intently for sounds other than her own loud breathing and pounding heart.

When she was met with only silence, she headed straight for her computers. She had already called the police, but she _had_ to check on her babies. Turning the corner to where her system was set up, Felicity stopped in her tracks, the air rushing from her body.

Gone. All her computers… gone. Her towers, her big beautiful 30-inch UltraSharp monitor she’d just bought for the ultimate gaming experience, her smaller more practical monitors, even her external hard drives… gone.  All gone.

She sank to her knees thinking of the hundreds of hours she’d spent designing and upgrading her system, the thousands of dollars she’d invested building her babies. And now they had been stolen from her by heartless thieves!

That was how the police found her moments later, kneeling on the floor, staring longingly where she used to work on her computers.

*~*~*

After giving her statement to the police and reporting the theft to her insurance company, and hearing the disappointingly minute estimate for her computer equipment, Felicity found herself sitting at the bar in a nightclub on her way home. It was really more a giant bar that played loud music in low lighting than a nightclub. Advertising as a nightclub brought in more patrons with fatter wallets.

Felicity groaned internally at remembering what had brought her Verdant and downed the rest of her daiquiri. It may or may not have been her third, which was her limit, but she just wanted to forget the day and ordered another.

“You look like you’ve had a rough day,” the bartender commented, setting another strawberry daiquiri in front of her.

Felicity stared into the rich red blended goodness.  “The _worst_ I possibly could,” she muttered, taking her straw and stirring the drink idly. “Some assholes broke into my apartment. Broke in and stole all my computer equipment. Everything but the cables, which I guess I should be slightly thankful for because computer and HDMI cables are really effing expensive.” Liquor had a way of making her tendency to babble ten times worse. “But I test firewalls and internet security! I design computer programs! I beta test _everything_ for dozens of companies! I can’t do that without my computers! My poor babies… Kidnapped and in the hands of computer illiterate bastards.”

The bartended cocked her head curiously. “How do you know they’re computer illiterate?”

Felicity finally looked up at who was talking to her, listen to her babbling rant rather. It was the blonde bartender. The few times Felicity had been to Verdant, she was usually in leather pants and usually ended up hitting some grabby-hands drunk. Or smoothing talking sober schmuck. “If they knew anything about computers they would have taken the cables, too,” she answered solemnly. Her poor computer babies. She had just named the newest, River Tam.

“So…Shouldn’t your insurance cover the stolen stuff?” the blonde asked. She’d gone from popping tops off beers to leaning against the bar as she listened.

Felicity gave a bitter laugh. “Yeah, they cover the monetary post purchase value of the items stolen at the time of the robbery. Pretty much the Craigslist resale value of all my equipment. They don’t take into account the hours I spent researching and designing the system, or the thousands of dollars in time and equipment I’ve put into upgrading each piece. And they definitely didn’t factor in everything I’ve MacGyver-ed over the years.” She stared at the bar. “Barely half of what it would cost to get my system up and running again,” she said dejectedly. “And I can’t get back to work until I get a decent system again. But I need money to build my system. But it’ll take forever with my IT job, even if I move to fulltime hours.” Felicity dropped her head to the lacquered wood of the bar. It was such a vicious cycle.

The blonde bartender looked at her sympathetically. “Well, listen,” she began after a moment. “We need another bartender. One of our girls just quit to go to law school.”

“Law school?” Felicity frowned at her.

“Yeah, she’d been saving for a few years. Finally pulled together enough to cover what financial aid wouldn’t. Anyway, I could talk to the boss for you. Be a good way to get the extra cash you need,” she offered, starting to pour a rum and coke for the guy now crowding Felicity’s bubble. Crowded bars were not great for personal space issues.

“Why are you offering to help me?” Felicity asked. The concept of someone _not_ her father helping her was so foreign she was having difficulty processing it, and it was not the three and half daiquiris she had consumed.

The bartender gave a small shrug and said, “You’re cute,” before moving down the bar.

Felicity shook her head, frowning at her drink. This was why she preferred computers; people confused her.

She was jotting calculations on a napkin when someone came up behind her. “Sara said you might be looking for a job?” Felicity turned to see petite brunette taking a stool beside her.

“Sorry?” Felicity asked, adjusting her glasses on her face. She had seen her behind the bar serving drinks, as well as mingling with regulars, in her past visits.

“Sara, the blonde bartender who’s been feeding you daiquiris all night,” the young manager elaborated, “said you need cash, and that she told you we were looking for a new bartender.”

“Oh, yeah,” Felicity blinked, frowning slightly. “Yeah, I – I didn’t think she was serious.”

“Sara’s pretty much an open book,” the brunette smiled. “If she says something, she means it. I’m Thea, Verdant manager,” she added, extending her hand.

“Felicity Smoak,” she replied, shaking her hand.

Thea watched her for a moment before raising her eyebrows. “So you want the job?”

Felicity blinked again, taken completely aback. “What – that’s your interview?”

“I’m really good at reading people, and I have good feeling about you, Felicity Smoak,” she said.

“Why?” Felicity could have slapped herself for her lack of brain-to-mouth filter. You don’t ask someone why they want to hire you, at any job, ever.

Thea smiled, head tilting. “Sara was right; you’re cute.” She looked around the bar and what passed for a dance floor before meeting Felicity’s eyes. “You have this adorable innocence to you,” she explained. “The kids’ll love it.”

Felicity stared at her, unsure what response was safe, unsure if there was even an appropriate response. What do you say when a stranger offers you a job and tells you every man in the building would love to try and corrupt you. Hallmark did not have a card for that one. “Thank you…?” she asked slowly.

If anything, Thea’s smile grew. “Follow me,” she said hopping off the barstool. “I’ll show you around the place.”

“But I’ve never poured a drink in my life!” Felicity called after her. “Shit…” she muttered grabbing her purse and trailing the petite girl along the bar, she wove through the crowd of intoxicated twenty-somethings.

“Listen,” Felicity said, catching Thea at the end of the bar, “I really appreciate the offer, but the only liquor I’ve ever poured has been wine for myself. I don’t know the first thing about bartending!”

Thea placed a hand to Felicity’s cheek and Felicity stiffened in surprise. _I am not drunk enough for any of this_ , she thought. “Relax, Felicity,” Thea told her. “We’ll teach you everything you need to know. I mean, you can pour wine, you got the basics!”

Felicity frowned at her, slightly perplexed.

“Hey,” Thea told her, stepping close. “You need cash quick, I’m offering you a way to make cash quick. I saw your little napkin calculations. You can earn twice that money in a fraction of the time with the salary plus tips.”

Turning suddenly, Thea pulled her behind the bar. “Meet the girls! This is Sara, you’ve already met her, kinda.” The blonde smiled and winked at Felicity as she poured tequila into a guy’s mouth as he lay on the bar. “That’s Helena.” Thea indicated the next girl with long dark hair who was taking shots with the group of frat guys. “And here’s Laurel. Our lawyer-to-be,” Thea said of a brunette coming from the back with another case of vodka.

“In a few years, Speedy, you’re going to be thankful I went to law school,” Laurel smiled at the shorter girl.

“She actually has a point,” Thea commented, crossing her arms as the music changed and as Joe Elliot’s voice rang through the club. Guitar riffs played and as the drum beat began, the three bartenders climbed on the bar. Felicity watched wide-eyed as the girls danced across the bar, Def Leppards _Pour Some Sugar On Me_ serenading their movement. Hair whipping, hips swaying, they danced over the heads of the shouting men, pouring rum and vodka from the bottle as they moved back and forth.

“Do you guys do that often?” Felicity asked cautiously. Her mouth dropped as Helena slid across the bar, literally slid, like she was stealing second.

“Oh yeah! The guys love it!” She glanced over at Felicity as she watched Laurel and Helena pull a guy onto the bar and began pouring liquor over his face and body. Her eyes widened as their hands run over the man’s bare chest with the rum. “But don’t worry,” she added. “We’ll build you up to that. It’ll add to your innocent persona.”

Felicity only nodded. Her mind was racing at the _insane_ antics these women were doing. Bar dancing and shoulder shimmies in low cut tops in the faces of strange men were way beyond her comfort zone.

Placing her hands on her shoulder, Thea directed Felicity to a vacant bar stool off to the side, out of the way but where she could see everything. “Tell you what, have a drink, on the house, and think it over,” the brunette told her. “In fact, we’ll clear your tab and the rest of the night is on us. Give me answer in the morning.” She handed her a business card. A large, green V on left with her name and contact info on the right is neat black font. It was simple. The card made her life Thea more.

“Thank you,” Felicity said, slipping the card in her purse, “but I couldn’t possibly let you clear my tab and –”

“Nonsense.” Thea waived a hand absently. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll make it for me,” she added confidently.

*~*~*


	2. Chapter 2

The shrill ring of the phone woke Felicity. Her head pounded, her mouth was stuffed with cotton, and she vaguely remembered he father picking her up from Verdant. Which explained why she was in his guest room, one of her shoes on the floor with her purse, and the rest of her clothes looked like they were pulled off by a tornado.

Grabbing her phone to stop the piercing noise, she answered, “’Ello?” Grunted was more accurate.

“If you want the job, be at Verdant by one,” the voice on the other end said.

“What are you talking about?” Felicity tried to ask. The only coherent word in the sentence was ‘what’.

“Verdant at one,” the voice repeated before hanging up.

Felicity sat up, rubbing her face. She was wearing one of her dad’s old shirts. There was a glass of water and aspirin on the night stand, which she downed immediately. Her dad was thoughtful like that.

She felt greasy. She needed a shower desperately. That would help clear the cobwebs. Food would be good first, though. Her stomach sounded like a chainsaw hit a knot.

Making sure she was presentable and all the essentials were covered, Felicity walked – shuffled – toward the kitchen. The aroma of fresh brewed coffee hit her like jolt to her senses.

Quentin Lance was standing at the counter, pouring a coffee into a mug as she took a seat at the kitchen table. He was actually her stepfather, but had been more of a father to her than her biological father (her DNA donator as she referred to him). He had raised her, and for as long as she could remember he had been her dad. When her mom died while she was in high school, it was just the two of them, and her took the father role twice as serious. And she couldn’t be more grateful.

“Listen, kid,” he said placing a mug in front of her, “I understand you’re hurting with your apartment getting robbed, but getting tossed isn’t the way to handle it. I mean, that money could go to your new set up.”

Cupping both hands around the coffee mug, Felicity drank, savoring the rich flavor. “It didn’t cost me anything,” she told him. Her head still pounded like a bass drum. Apparently an open bar was not something Felicity could handle. “They cleared my tab, said it was on the house.”

Her dad paused at the bread box. “Why would they do that?”

“They want me to work there.”

“They want you to _what?_ ” Quentin exclaimed in his clipped voice.

“Work there,” she repeated, twisting the mug to avoid meeting his eyes.

“I heard you,” he replied. The crease between his eyebrows had reached Stage Four Serious. “I was giving you a chance to change your answer.”

“It’s just a bar, Dad.”

“Yes, Felicity, a bar where the women dress practically naked and dance on tables! It’s half a step from a strip club!”

“It is so not that bad,” Felicity sighed, hands going to her face. She was too hungover for this conversation. She looked up as he slid a plate of toast in front of her. “I’m an adult, Dad,” she told him, “and if I decide to do this, it will only be temporary. I can earn the money for my computer system in half the time it would take me at Queen Consolidation, even full time.”

“Earn it by being eye candy for some drunken baboon of a man!” he said incredulously. “Sweetie, if it’s a matter of the money, I can loan it to you-”

“No.” Felicity cut him off firmly. “No, Dad. You’ve done too much for me over the years. You need to be retiring! Not bailing your daughter out of some stupid mess.”

“I’ll do whatever I have to if it keeps your from dancing on a bar,” he said seriously.

“You can’t protect me forever.” The words were simple truth. There was so much in her life he could never protect her from, including herself. “I’m an adult; you have to let me make my own decisions, make my own mistakes.”

Quentin stood staring down at her. Felicity could see his jaw working like it always did when he was weighing his options.

“Look,” he began slowly, taking a seat opposite her, “I’m not happy about any of this, but I won’t… say anything about you working there. But you can’t tell me anything and I will be blissfully ignorant. Deal?”

Felicity looked across the table at her father. She knew this was his way of making peace. And knew just as well she couldn’t put him through that torment, because no matter what, he would know. “Don’t worry, Dad,” she told him. “I won’t take the job.”

He smiled at her, the relief etched on his face. “Thank you, sweetie.”

*~*~*

Despite the words to her father, Felicity found herself at Verdant just before one. She walked slowly through the wide area before the bar, small tables scattered like islands, her heels echoing softly as she took in the vast room. It looked so different with light, and so much larger not crowded with hundreds of people.

“Oh good, you’re early.” Felicity turned to see Thea Queen setting a box on the bar, the glass bottles ringing together.

“Hi,” Felicity said. Now that she was here, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do.

“Follow me,” Thea said heading toward the backroom.

“So, uh, why did you call me?” Felicity asked, following her through the doorway and down the stairs.

“You told me last night you wanted the job,” Thea said, her head tilted to one side as she studied Felicity.

“I did?” Felicity had no recollection of that conversation.

“Yep.” Thea bent to pick up a case of beers. “You’re very honest when you’re drunk,” she added with grin. “Grab a case.”

Picking up a case of Sam Adams, Felicity followed her new boss of up the stairs slowly. “You did have a list of demands for me though,” Thea called over her shoulder.

“That sounds more realistic,” Felicity muttered.

Setting the beer down, Thea turned to face Felicity. “So, you’re in.” It wasn’t exactly a question, but it left Felicity room to leave.

Pressing her lips together, Felicity looked around the empty expanse of Verdant. _What the hell,_ she thought. _Only young once._ Meeting the brunette’s eyes, she nodded. “I’m in.”

Thea grinned. “Oh, this is going to be fun!” She eyed Felicity up and down. “First, no glasses. You’re gorgeous with them, and it of course adds to the innocence and gives this sexy librarian look, but it just won’t work behind the bar. Second, you don’t want use your real name. We’re going to call you… Jersey.” Her smile turned a little sly and Felicity wondered what she’d gotten herself into. “Yes, I think that’ll do.”

“Hey, Thea!” a deeper voice called from below the bar. The man stood up, wiping his hands on a rag. “I think I got the connection fixed for the keg. Need anything else while I got the tools out?”

“Roy,” Thea said ignoring his question, “this is Felicity, our new bartender.”

Roy eyed her up and down, skepticism plain on his face. “Eh, might work.”

“This is really encouraging for me, thank you,” Felicity told him facetiously.

“Roy is my boyfriend,” Thea continued, giving him a stern glare. “He does a little bit of everything here, handyman, waiter, busboy, occasional bouncer.”

“Which reminds me,” Roy broke in, “we might need to hire another bouncer. Stan’s been iffy lately.”

Thea gave an exasperated sigh before turning back to Felicity. “I have to handle this,” she said as an apology. “There’s a clothing store on Sixth and Hill. I’ll have the girls meet you there in an hour. You’re adorable, but we’ll need different. More bar-sexy, less you-sexy,” she added at the dubious look on Felicity’s face. “They’ll take care of you.”

Felicity paused. “I’m not actually sure if that’s a compliment,” she said honestly as she headed toward the door.

“You’ll have fun, I promise!” Thea Queen called after her.

*~*~*

A few hours later, Felicity had to admit she was having fun. Sara and Helena were delightful and more than welcoming to her, encouraging Felicity to try outfits she never would have considered. And there was a certain allure to wearing some of the risqué clothes, even if she had no intention of buying them, for Verdant or otherwise.

Regardless of her reservations, Felicity found herself making selections and setting clothes aside. That was how she found herself laden with corsets, leather pants, and a few pairs of heels she was sure defied physics and heading to check out. Helena and Sara were still looking at tops, supplementing their Verdant attire. They were fun, but man could they shop! “I was told to tell you I was with Verdant,” she said hesitantly to the cashier.

The young woman eyed Felicity causally as she scanned the garments, as she fought a smile. Felicity pressed her lips together, struggling not to feel awkward. “So do you get a lot of bartenders from Verdant?” she asked

“Oh yeah!” the clerk replied in an overly chipper voice. “Thea sends all her girls here to get started! We have the best stuff and we give her a great deal. We get all Thea’s girls looking _hot!_ ”

Felicity sighed. Why did she think she thought talking was a good idea? _Thea’s girl,_ she thought. Was that how she was going to be seen from now on?

“Okay,” the clerk said, breaking into Felicity’s thoughts, “this is your receipt, you just have to give it to Thea. If you want to add to your wardrobe later, we give all Verdant’s employees a discount,” she added with a wink. “Have fun!” she said cheerily. Felicity gave a tight smile in return.

*~*~*

Felicity stood in front of the mirror in the backroom of Verdant. It was her first shift and her heart was beating a mile a minute. She closed her eyes and took a slow breath, analyzing her thoughts on why she was nervous. Her mind ran through the list of cocktails and drinks Verdant served. She’d received a crash course in Verdant Mixology earlier that day. She could easily list the names and ingredients backward and forward, and her heart rate slowed with the knowledge. That wasn’t the problem.

Opening her eyes, Felicity saw her reflection in the full length mirror staring back at her. The leather pants dipped low below her navel and clung to her legs before bunching strategically (and apparently fashionably) at her heels. The black top ended just at her rib cage and hugged the curve of her breasts, the cut away sleeves angled in slightly under the rounded neckline leaving her arms bare. Compared to what she’d seen on the other girls, this was exceedingly tame. For Felicity Smoak, this was exceptionally foreign.

Her pulse began to race as she took in her outfit. She didn’t look _bad_. And it wasn’t particularly uncomfortable. But this was definitely not an outfit Felicity would ever choose for herself.

She blinked forcefully. It was probably her imagination, but she would swear she could feel the contact lens pressing against her eye. It had taken her nearly fifteen minutes to get the pair in properly and now she felt she had to blink twice as often.

Felicity took another deep breathe. “You can do this,” she told her reflection. “It’s like an adventure! You’re only young once. Just think of it like Bilbo running off with Gandalf. A scantily clad, booze serving Bilbo running off with a dainty, club running Gandalf.” She paused, huffing out a breath. “And now I’m talking to myself. Brilliant.”

Before she could psych herself out, before she could panic and leave, before she could hyperventilate and pass out, Felicity turned and left the break room. Striding down the hall, wrapped in her thoughts of NOT panicking and NOT focusing on how out of her element she felt, she walked straight into Thea Queen exiting her office.

“Oh! Felicity!” Thea said excitedly. “You look great! Very sexy,” she told her with a wink. “Oliver, this is Felicity Smoak, she’ll be replacing Laurel. Felicity, this is my brother and club owner, Oliver Queen.”

So consumed by her borderline anxiety, Felicity hadn’t notice Thea wasn’t walking alone until she introduced the tall and imposing man beside her. “Hi,” Felicity told him clipped and awkwardly in greeting. When nervous, she either babbled incessantly or words failed her completely. She could never decide which was worse.

“Funny story,” Thea continued, turning toward Oliver and effectively saving Felicity from herself, “Felicity works for Queen Consolidated in the IT department.”

“And you’re bartending here?” Oliver asked. “Really?” The surprised lift to his voice was subtle but not lost to Felicity.

“Why is that everyone’s tone?” she said exasperatedly. “Why can’t a girl like computers _and_ want to dress in close-fitting, revealing clothing to serve liquor? Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t a woman like to feel sexy and be really good with technology? What, if you’re a sexy and attractive female you can’t be smart and enjoy science? Seems _really_ unfair and sexist to me, doesn’t it?”

Oliver blinked at her. He looked taken aback and lost for words and Felicity felt a flush of embarrassment spread across her face. _Perfect!_ she thought. _Rant to the owner about stereotypes and gender bias the first time you meet him. Absolutely brilliant._

“Um, I’m sorry,” he told her carefully as though afraid of triggering another rant.

Not trusting herself to open her mouth, Felicity nodded at his words as a smile spread across Thea’s face. “Oh, you are going to be so much fun here, Smoak,” she told Felicity.


End file.
